Lately I have felt very disconnected from God. I basically took myself out of the game and have been resting on the bench for a while. As I was reflecting on this recently, I couldn't come up with a good reason. The last 10 months have brought about a lot of change for me, and for some reason, I decided I didn't need him. Why?... I wasn't quite sure... other than having a husband really changes a lot of things. Let me tell you a bit more... Last March I met a boy. We became friends. God told me to wait. So I did. In August we started dating, by November it became serious and by December we were {officially} engaged. (There is more to that story!) 5 months had passed. And in another 5 months, we were married! Wowsers right! It seemed a bit crazy at times, but it was a beautiful journey! Also, today, I just got word that there may be an offer on our house... in addition, we are packing up and preparing to move by Sunday, while also looking for a new home in Chicago. And don't forget, we are leaving for Bulgaria and Greece next Friday! Yup! AAAALL of that! So in the past 14 months - I met a boy, got married, resigned from a job I really enjoy, will be selling the house, moving to Chicago, leaving my family, looking for a home and spending a month in Europe. I feel sorry for myself and overwhelmed! Anyone else? This whole time, my husband keeps telling me to be thankful and remember each of these things are a blessing and a part of God's plan for us! (I think I've rolled my eyes hundreds of times in the past 7 months!) But he was right. These things are good. And all good things come from the Lord. I should be nothing but thankful. Instead, I lost my faith and let my earthly life take me away from His heavenly kingdom. I had pushed God away during a time I really, truly needed him. How easily I forgot this... Come to me, you who are weary and heavy-burden, and I will give you rest. God is always there, constantly saying, "Let me in, I am here, say yes to me."
I am ashamed for pushing him away and humbled by his goodness, even in my lack of faith. I don't deserve any of this, let alone his grace. And He gives it anyway. I'm also reminded by the story of Ruth... Ruth grew up in a wicked city, left her home with her husband, found a new place farther away, where soon after her husband would die. She lost a lot and still remained faithful to God. She stayed on the good path, even though she had the choice to go back to where she came from. There is no doubt God was at work the whole time during Ruth's struggles. And he does the same for us. Sometimes we may feel far away from God, and the truth is, he is very near to us, working things out for us, and constantly loving us! So though at times we may feel empty, if we keep our eyes on God, we may actually see how "full" we are, because of God's grace. His goodness is all around. He is simply asking that we seek him, remain faithful and offer thanks! I think it's time for me to get off the bench and get back into the game. My eyes are glued on you, Lord!
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Let me tell you about a special person. This person is loyal, loving, fun-spirited and generous. Also supportive and caring... especially when I need it most. She offers great advice and is always truthful. This person challenges me to grow and motivates me to be a better person. Her faith is strong and is a great example of ALL good things. I met her when I was about 2 or 3 years old. And for the last 30 years, I have had the privilege of calling her my best friend. And as you can image during those 30 years, we’ve been through a lot together. To give you an idea, let me share a couple of the things we did… Building snow forts, rolling down the hill, jumping in piles of leaves, and climbing trees! And who could forget spending countless summers playing tennis and watching Days of Our Lives, eating your mom’s delicious lunches and hanging out at the lake. Don’t forget the many sleepovers, birthday parties, staying up late and screaming out your bedroom window… as well as Photoshoots in your bedroom, school dances, football games and AOK. That’s only the first half. Then there was a couple moves, a couple break ups, the college separation, and all the changes that come with growing up and growing older. I could go on and on and on… and for now… I’ll take a break. ;) When I sit and think about my friendship with this special person, I can’t help but thank God for such a wonderful gift. It’s amazing to think that God knew I would need this person in my life – for many reasons. And looking back at all of the experiences, ups and downs we’ve been through, I realize now that you are more than just a friend, you are a sister… a sister in Christ. And there is a difference between friend and sister… A true friend is always loyal and a brother is born ~ Proverbs 17:17 So a friend is dedicated until the end. There is consistency throughout the relationship. A sister is literally born especially to help, support, provide, give… and so much more… in times of need. Specific times of need. In addition, Solomon also explains in Proverbs that… There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ~ Proverbs 18:24 And just as Solomon explains in this verse, you are a friend, a sister and therefore closer to me than most. Your existence in my life is truly beyond measure. Do you remember when we did that silly little chant and hand motion… “sister, sister, sister L”… Funny how we called each other sisters even when we were young. I always thought of you as a sister, but it wasn’t until I read Proverbs that I realized how true it was. And therefore, how blessed I am. When I found out you were moving, I was scared of losing.
Losing a friend. Now, I feel more reassured and confident God will continue to bless our friendship and open doors for us when we need it. You see, the chapter of 1 Samuel describes the close relationship between Jonathan and David. It was a complicated and somewhat messy situation, but they were bound by Christ. Because they were aware of their godly friendship, they promised to each other that they would always love each other just as Christ loves. Which we are reminded of in 1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” In other words, if you love someone – as Christ loves – you will be loyal to {her}, no matter the cost. You will always believe in {her}. Always expect the best of {her}, encourage {her} and always stand your ground in defending {her}. I know that I have not always been this kind of friend to you and for that I ask for forgiveness. And as we step into the next part of our journey as friends (and sisters), I promise to love you as Christ loves. I was there by your side when you said I do, I was there to see you bring 3 little one’s into this world, and there is no doubt I will be with you until the end! Thank you for your friendship, my dear! May God guide you and your family during the move and help you to grow in your walk with Him, through this new adventure.
I am certainly no expert on the topic of relationships, let alone what a Christian relationship looks like, and recently I’ve been encouraged to seek and understand what it could be and should be! So as our awesome God does, I was reading my devotion this morning and was led to Song of Solomon. Not going to lie… I don’t think I’ve ever sat down and read that book before. Little did I know, this book is all about the love between a bridegroom (King Solomon) and his bride and defines the sanctity of marriage. It also talks about the emulation of God’s love within marriage. My initial reaction was… how have I not discovered this, until now? My next thought after reading it was, WOW! These are some things I discovered. LOVE IS LOVE I love my friends, my family and yes, even my kids at school. Love is an emotional connection you create with someone. It’s a gift from God and we are given the freedom to offer that gift to others (through Christ’s example.) Romantic love is different. Romantic love leads to marriage and marriage is a COMPLETE union of mind, heart and body between two people. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. ~ Song of Solomon 6:3 From my perspective, this is not about ownership and rather about the invasive connection, acceptance and unity of man and wife! LOVE IS REFRESHING Aaaaah! So refreshing… What smells, sensations, tastes and sounds are refreshing to you? For me, it’s the fragrance of lilacs, a splash of water on my face, being in nature and a good cup of coffee! King Solomon describes his beloved as a private garden. This is a gift to him. Inside this garden are flowers, spices, fruit, aloes and a fountain with running water. Through these gifts he is given sweetness, alertness, substance, healing and freshness. For him, if the garden dies and the fountain dries up, his marriage feels depleted. Here is where we see the mutual balance of give and receive… if King Solomon offers his time and energy (and love) to tend to his private garden (encouraging words, a little note, a listening ear, a change of pace, a surprise… see where I’m going ;) then in return, he will feel refreshed and filled with good things. LOVE LIKE CHRIST Seal me in your heart with permanent betrothal, for love is as strong as death. ~ Song of Solomon 8:6 For real? Many waters cannot quench the flame of love, neither can the floods drown it. If a man tried to buy it with everything he owned, he couldn’t do it. ~ Song of Solomon 8:7 Are you sure? Yes and yes. Nothing can destroy love – it will not die, it cannot be put out, it is priceless… … IF we offer it as Christ has given it to us. If it is given outside of Christ’s guidelines for us, then it may die. Altogether, it sounds like love can be a very complicated topic. Or at least I used to think it was. But it’s actually very simple. Love like Christ. So as long as there is love (paired with a physical attraction), marriage can and will last. Love is an untouchable gift from God… it’s the foundation of our existence. Why? …Because he first loved us ~ 1 John 4:19
![]() Though this is not my story to share, it remains heavy on y heart... so I will share my thoughts. The details will remain hidden.... My sister-in-law has proven to be an absolutely wonderful addition to our family. I believe God hand-picked her specifically for us... ok probably more so for my brother, but God also knew that we would need her too. We need her compassionate heart, her gentle presence, her understanding, her helping hands, her listening ears, truthful advice, her mountain size amounts of strength and motivation and so much more. She truly is beautiful inside and out! She gives and gives so much! And now, Jasmine, its our turn! It's our turn to love, listen, help and give! So I will start by giving some tough advice... let go! I know you've worked so hard and built some really tough skin. Thank God! These awesome gifts have gotten you this far and helped you accomplish so much. And right now, I know your heart is hurting... and keeping the layers and layers of tough skin on, won't help. It won't protect you from the hurt and it won't take away the pain; but it will help you through this journey. So let go cry get angry punch {Nick} - I hear he makes a good punching bag ;) don't worry about keeping it together... you will be comforted! In the words of Adoniram Judson, { "Thanks be to God, not–only for ‘rivers of endless joys above, but for ‘rills of comfort here below." } Rills are streams. And streams flow continuously! Thus, there will be a continuous stream of comfort. It might get a bit choppy, but it won't stay that way, because God has made a promise to take care of you and comfort you always! { For the Lord will not cast off forever. But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. Lamentations 3:31-32 } This tells us that you always have a place in his heart and are ever under his eye and care. And because he is compassionate and full of grace he offers comfort to his children as they work through sorrow, delivering them from yuckiness and helping them find joy! Much like your earthly father did... when you fell down and hurt yourself, he was there to comfort you through the tears. And after, I'm sure there was a smile! And now as he prepares to leave this world, though he wont be there to physically comfort you, my hope for you is that you find that same comfort in your heavenly father. I know its not as easy to rely on, but he's got some pretty strong arms {and they are made for you}! Our arms are open for you too ;) Sorrow is only a part of this journey, though. Giving thanks is another part and perhaps the most important! Silly I know. But I am so thankful that God blessed us with you and all you are. I am also very thankful to your father for trusting Nick (and his family) to take care of you. So to your father I say, "Thank you Leonard. Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. Thank you for allowing us to experience her beauty and the joy she has brought to our lives! We will comfort her and take care of her, just as you have. It will be ok. Even better, it will be good.... you can let go!" When most people look at me, they see a girl who is positive, pulled-together, strong, independent, caring, friendly and always on the go. { or at least that's my guess } But the truth is, part of it is a façade. Most of the time I'm positive, unless I'm talking to (or about) myself. I'm pulled together most of the time, except for behind closed doors. I'm strong when I have to be, and at the core, weakness rules. I'm independent because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm caring. Yes I am. And somewhat selfish too. I'm friendly because I like it when people notice me. I'm always on the go because I want to avoid time alone. The other part, is a gift from God. And sadly, I'm struggling to see these as gifts. Often times these are things that hurt me or appear to me as something I need to fix. And I know that these have been given to me through God's grace! { Thank you, Jesus! } But I'm also struggling because though there are many gifts listed above, for which I am very grateful, I can't help but feel as though there is something missing. If through his might and power and goodness and love, he gives me all of these things, then why won't he give me companionship? Be it a friend or a husband. Well God decided to offer me an answer... or perhaps, simply, a reminder. I was sitting on the porch of a bed and breakfast, doing some reading. Soon after, a lady walks out. I totally avoided eye contact with her so she would not start a conversation with me. She didn't get the picture though. So we sat, we talked and sure enough we had a deep conversation... then boldly she proclaimed her faith and praised God for his gift of salvation.... so we dug a little deeper. And with no prompting from me, she brought up the topic of friendship. She reminded me that God tells us about the company we should keep as Christians. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20 And she simply said "Pray about it. Offer it up and trust that he knows what you need." [I guess I never thought about praying for friends. Sounds strange.] I realized in that moment, however, that perhaps this struggle is God's way of letting me know that I need to keep seeking him through the friends that I keep. So I did a little more reading, and... In Proverbs 27:17, he tells us... Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. We are made to help, support and love one another so that we may continue to refine each other as Christians. And if I want to continue to be a child of God and offer the gifts he has given me, I need companions that will help me grow in the likeness of God! Friendship is a gift! And my hope is that soon my list of gifts will look like this... Positive, Pulled Together Strong Independent Caring A FRIEND Always on the go 6 months, 2 and 1/2, 22, 30, 32...
What's the difference? There is none. They're all numbers. Numbers that represent a point in time. A memory. Life being lived! Short and skinny. Short and busty. Long brown hair. Short brown hair. Dark brown eyes. Big blue eyes. (still not sure where they came from?) What's the difference? There is none. They are pointless details. The numbers and words describe each of the girls that you see in the picture above, but what you don't see are the hearts that beat within. Their hearts hold so much more than what the picture tells you. But first, tell me what you see? Ha! That's what I thought too... "look at that scrunchy face baby on the right?" Ok... what else do you see? Squinty eyes? Yup we are definitely all in the same family. Well, this is what I see... I see smiling faces, and they are real! King Solomon wrote in the book of Proverbs (a book about how to live a godly life) "A glad heart makes a happy face" (15:13) Their hearts are glad! Did King Solomon really think it was that easy? I think he did. If we are following God and praising his name and trusting in Him, what more could he want! In return, God will show us his grace and mercy. Wouldn't that make your heart glad? I also see joy! Psalm 126:3 says, "Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy!" This picture captures a moment on a day of celebration. A celebration of hard work, success, family and mothers. These are all such amazing things that God has blessed them with. How could they not be joyful. Most importantly, I see beauty! Beautiful smiles! Beautiful joy! Beautiful hearts! This doesn't mean that their hearts aren't hurting or they won't have a meltdown right after this picture is taken, but it means that in that very moment, they chose to smile and rejoice because God is good! So before you look in the mirror or at a picture to analyze what you see... challenge yourself to analyze what you don't see. Age, body size, color of hair, or the size of your nose. These things won't matter, so please don't waste your time wishing them away and instead, focus on your strengthening your heart! King Solomon also wrote, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (4:23) Regardless of your age, or how you look, your heart will determine where you go! What does your heart say about you? mini vacation in Galena, Illinois! I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but Easter is not about eating a lot of really good food, hiding Easter eggs, dressing up in pink and white laced dresses, taking pictures with the Easter bunny, and eating a lot of jellybeans. It's about the death and resurrection of Christ! In the Orthodox Church, Holy week is a very solemn time. We spend the week journeying with Christ to his Passion (so that we ourselves may "die"). And though we are called to prepare our hearts daily, during this week, we spend even more time in prayer, asking God to prepare our hearts and souls to wear the wedding garment. A garment worthy of being worn in God's eternal kingdom. Behold! The Bridegroom comes at midnight, and blessed is the servant who He shall find watching; and again, unworthy is the servant whom He shall find heedless. Beware therefore, O my soul do not be weighted down with sleep, lest you be given up to death and lest you be shut out of the Kingdom. But rouse yourself crying: Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou O our God. (chant arranged after Matthew 25) Even though these words are sung every year during Lent, this year, these words took on a new meaning for me! He automatically gives each of us a wedding garment to wear. It's pretty, its white, its clean and it's pure. He holds it before us and asks us to wear it with honor and glory! It’s our decision to put it on. And it's our decision to keep it on. Even though I have been working really hard to keep mine on, it was starting to get a little dirty! Would you want to get dirt on your pretty pink and white laced Easter dress? Would you go to a wedding celebration with messy hair or without showering? More specifically, my heart was feeling ugly (becoming more frustrated and impatient with family and kids at school) and my soul had stopped growing good fruit (or so I felt). So after a long {and draining} winter at school and a solemn Lenten period, I was really looking forward to: A Renewal. A Fresh Start. A New Opportunity. And at the intersection of Christ’s Resurrection and Spring Break I found what I needed. Resurrection means revival. {A Renewal} Spring means to arise and move forward. {A Fresh Start} Galena, IL! A quaint and historic town. {A New Opportunity} Sure enough... right there in Galena, I - saw bright green grass and spring flowers. - felt warm (and gusty) fresh air. - saw history restored and maintained. God knows exactly what we need. Right when we need it. Thank you God! May the glory of Christ's death and resurrection renew your soul and guide you always. If you are wearing your wedding garment, I pray God continues to bless your journey and grant you the strength to keep wearing it. If you are not wearing it yet, I pray God opens your eyes so that you may see the beauty of the garment! ![]() Remember the baby who was born in a manager to save us all! Remember the shepherds who dropped everything to witness the beauty! Remember the wisemen who traveled for years (and trusted God) just to see a baby! Remember the joy he brings to all! Remember Christmas Eve when everyone was gathered. Remember the laughter when Santa appeared. Remember the amount of excitement when the 2 year old opened her gift and found bubble guppies! Remember the joy of giving! The joy a child brings, knows no bounds! It has a way of instantly filling you up! It seems as though gifts and children are one in the same! And perhaps It is no mistake that God's gift to this world, His son, brings ultimate joy, is constantly giving and fills our hearts! May the joy of Christ's birth reign within your heart all year long and remember the gift of joy he brings! One thing I learned this year about the "true meaning of Christmas", is that it is meant to stay within your hearts all year long. It is not something to be celebrated on one day a year, and instead, every day of every year! Just imagine what the world would be like if we celebrate life as such...
... Yup, I just imagined a world where no one worked and little kids opened presents all day. (that doesn't quite work, but sure is delightful thinking) |
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