When most people look at me, they see a girl who is positive, pulled-together, strong, independent, caring, friendly and always on the go. { or at least that's my guess } But the truth is, part of it is a façade. Most of the time I'm positive, unless I'm talking to (or about) myself. I'm pulled together most of the time, except for behind closed doors. I'm strong when I have to be, and at the core, weakness rules. I'm independent because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm caring. Yes I am. And somewhat selfish too. I'm friendly because I like it when people notice me. I'm always on the go because I want to avoid time alone. The other part, is a gift from God. And sadly, I'm struggling to see these as gifts. Often times these are things that hurt me or appear to me as something I need to fix. And I know that these have been given to me through God's grace! { Thank you, Jesus! } But I'm also struggling because though there are many gifts listed above, for which I am very grateful, I can't help but feel as though there is something missing. If through his might and power and goodness and love, he gives me all of these things, then why won't he give me companionship? Be it a friend or a husband. Well God decided to offer me an answer... or perhaps, simply, a reminder. I was sitting on the porch of a bed and breakfast, doing some reading. Soon after, a lady walks out. I totally avoided eye contact with her so she would not start a conversation with me. She didn't get the picture though. So we sat, we talked and sure enough we had a deep conversation... then boldly she proclaimed her faith and praised God for his gift of salvation.... so we dug a little deeper. And with no prompting from me, she brought up the topic of friendship. She reminded me that God tells us about the company we should keep as Christians. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20 And she simply said "Pray about it. Offer it up and trust that he knows what you need." [I guess I never thought about praying for friends. Sounds strange.] I realized in that moment, however, that perhaps this struggle is God's way of letting me know that I need to keep seeking him through the friends that I keep. So I did a little more reading, and... In Proverbs 27:17, he tells us... Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. We are made to help, support and love one another so that we may continue to refine each other as Christians. And if I want to continue to be a child of God and offer the gifts he has given me, I need companions that will help me grow in the likeness of God! Friendship is a gift! And my hope is that soon my list of gifts will look like this... Positive, Pulled Together Strong Independent Caring A FRIEND Always on the go
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