Lately I have felt very disconnected from God. I basically took myself out of the game and have been resting on the bench for a while. As I was reflecting on this recently, I couldn't come up with a good reason. The last 10 months have brought about a lot of change for me, and for some reason, I decided I didn't need him. Why?... I wasn't quite sure... other than having a husband really changes a lot of things. Let me tell you a bit more... Last March I met a boy. We became friends. God told me to wait. So I did. In August we started dating, by November it became serious and by December we were {officially} engaged. (There is more to that story!) 5 months had passed. And in another 5 months, we were married! Wowsers right! It seemed a bit crazy at times, but it was a beautiful journey! Also, today, I just got word that there may be an offer on our house... in addition, we are packing up and preparing to move by Sunday, while also looking for a new home in Chicago. And don't forget, we are leaving for Bulgaria and Greece next Friday! Yup! AAAALL of that! So in the past 14 months - I met a boy, got married, resigned from a job I really enjoy, will be selling the house, moving to Chicago, leaving my family, looking for a home and spending a month in Europe. I feel sorry for myself and overwhelmed! Anyone else? This whole time, my husband keeps telling me to be thankful and remember each of these things are a blessing and a part of God's plan for us! (I think I've rolled my eyes hundreds of times in the past 7 months!) But he was right. These things are good. And all good things come from the Lord. I should be nothing but thankful. Instead, I lost my faith and let my earthly life take me away from His heavenly kingdom. I had pushed God away during a time I really, truly needed him. How easily I forgot this... Come to me, you who are weary and heavy-burden, and I will give you rest. God is always there, constantly saying, "Let me in, I am here, say yes to me."
I am ashamed for pushing him away and humbled by his goodness, even in my lack of faith. I don't deserve any of this, let alone his grace. And He gives it anyway. I'm also reminded by the story of Ruth... Ruth grew up in a wicked city, left her home with her husband, found a new place farther away, where soon after her husband would die. She lost a lot and still remained faithful to God. She stayed on the good path, even though she had the choice to go back to where she came from. There is no doubt God was at work the whole time during Ruth's struggles. And he does the same for us. Sometimes we may feel far away from God, and the truth is, he is very near to us, working things out for us, and constantly loving us! So though at times we may feel empty, if we keep our eyes on God, we may actually see how "full" we are, because of God's grace. His goodness is all around. He is simply asking that we seek him, remain faithful and offer thanks! I think it's time for me to get off the bench and get back into the game. My eyes are glued on you, Lord!
1 Comment
|
Archives
June 2019
Categories |