Yesterday morning I woke up feeling excited! Excited that the last day of school was finally here! Woo hoo!
I was also feeling frustrated and anxious. Why? Because it is the day I have to let go of my kids, which leaves me wondering, "did I do enough to help them this year". I wish I could hold and protect them during the summer. Or perhaps, just keep them in my pocket. I'm sure no one would ever notice!
{but that's my pride talking}
And knowing that this year has undoubtingly been a tough one, you'd think I would be relieved it is over. But I'm not.
Yesterday, I sat in my office and cried.
I cried for the boy who was sick of other students bullying him.
I cried for the girl who was fed up with the boy in her gym class who talked about her butt.
I cried for the boy who was traumatized
by his past.
I cried for the girl who stopped eating because she didn't feel good enough.
I cried for the boy who felt alone and just wanted one friend.
I cried for the girl who wanted to kill herself.
I cried for the boy who didn't want to go home.
I cried.
I cried because I didn't do enough and I wanted to do more.
It's true. God challenged me in many ways this year. And I'll be honest, I hated it. {Thank you Jesus}
And this morning as I read my devotion, God confirmed his goodness...
He gives power to the tired and worn out and strength to the weak. {Isaiah 40:29}
God is so good. {Thank you Jesus for helping me this year! I could not have done it without you.} I was reminded by this verse that God helps us when we are tired and weak, much like I was this year. He is our energy when we are worn out and think that we can't make it one more day. He is our strength when we are weak and feel inadequate. He is!
And through all my tears, I forgot what he offered me in return....
I made many mistakes...
and he humbled me.
I was frustrated...
and he offered me mercy.
I was anxious...
and he offered me peace.
I cried...
and he comforted me.
And the cool thing is, is this verse ends with a promise -
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. {Isaiah 40:31}
If we ask and wait for God he will help us, just when we need it. There's no doubt he was there with me when I worked with each of those boys and girls and he was there when I cried in my office.
Thank you Jesus for helping me.
Thank you Jesus for helping my kids.