I sat there in my chair.
Completely defeated.
Words still ringing in my ear.
Still ringing.
Still defeated.
Ugh!
Today I was told by another staff member that a student, who had talked to her in confidence, said that she (the student) doesn’t plan on having any conversations with me because she thinks I’m too intense. That was the “vibe” the student got from me!
Interesting to say the least.
At first I was not sure what to think about those words and in the moment I dismissed it; I was there to discuss the concerns the teachers had and hopefully develop a plan to help the student learn, grow and heal!
After finally catching a moment to reflect, the words started eating away at me. I started second guessing myself as a person, a professional, as a Christian, a counselor… the whole shebang!
Most of all, I hated the fact that I lost her, before I even had the chance to fight for her. (That’s how high her walls are.) And I really wanted to fight for her. My job is to listen, help and guide - and she wasn't even going to let me try. You see, when it comes to the work I do at school, I often let pride get a hold of me. I think that I can play the role of God by helping and fixing everyone’s problems.
So this is why it became a problem for me.
Then as I was reading the Psalms this evening, I came across these verses from Psalms 18…
Completely defeated.
Words still ringing in my ear.
Still ringing.
Still defeated.
Ugh!
Today I was told by another staff member that a student, who had talked to her in confidence, said that she (the student) doesn’t plan on having any conversations with me because she thinks I’m too intense. That was the “vibe” the student got from me!
Interesting to say the least.
At first I was not sure what to think about those words and in the moment I dismissed it; I was there to discuss the concerns the teachers had and hopefully develop a plan to help the student learn, grow and heal!
After finally catching a moment to reflect, the words started eating away at me. I started second guessing myself as a person, a professional, as a Christian, a counselor… the whole shebang!
Most of all, I hated the fact that I lost her, before I even had the chance to fight for her. (That’s how high her walls are.) And I really wanted to fight for her. My job is to listen, help and guide - and she wasn't even going to let me try. You see, when it comes to the work I do at school, I often let pride get a hold of me. I think that I can play the role of God by helping and fixing everyone’s problems.
So this is why it became a problem for me.
Then as I was reading the Psalms this evening, I came across these verses from Psalms 18…
For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? (verse 31)
Right?!
You can say it…it’s ok. I promise I won’t take offense. “Duh, Lorice! How could you forget that?!” Well at least that is what I told myself.
God is the God above all gods. He is Lord of all. So why am I trying to be perfect? Why am I trying to fix everything? Why am I trying to do it all when it’s ALL out of my control?
Psalms 18 continues on to say this:
You can say it…it’s ok. I promise I won’t take offense. “Duh, Lorice! How could you forget that?!” Well at least that is what I told myself.
God is the God above all gods. He is Lord of all. So why am I trying to be perfect? Why am I trying to fix everything? Why am I trying to do it all when it’s ALL out of my control?
Psalms 18 continues on to say this:
God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as a surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. (32-34)
He is the only reason I can do what I do!
He has given me strength, he has promised to make my way perfect (even when the devil tries to throw me off) and he has trained me to fight. Without him, I can do nothing! I simply must let go of my pride, trust in Him and let him do his thing! He has already given me the strength, the ability, the courage, the disposition, the gentleness and love to do his work. When it is my time, he will call me to fight this fight… if it will ever be mine to fight.
Regardless of where he takes me, I will not take on the words of the devil.
I will stand up to fight.
I will win the fight.
I will not be defeated.
He has given me strength, he has promised to make my way perfect (even when the devil tries to throw me off) and he has trained me to fight. Without him, I can do nothing! I simply must let go of my pride, trust in Him and let him do his thing! He has already given me the strength, the ability, the courage, the disposition, the gentleness and love to do his work. When it is my time, he will call me to fight this fight… if it will ever be mine to fight.
Regardless of where he takes me, I will not take on the words of the devil.
I will stand up to fight.
I will win the fight.
I will not be defeated.