It has been a struggle.
Nothing I can't handle.
But a struggle nonetheless.
The difference about this morning, compared to others, was a lack of change from the night before. I stood by the door saying good bye and with out fail, I was blessed with a hug and a kiss. It was this blessing, however, that brought me to tears... don't ask me why. It just did! So, we sat down just for a moment and amidst the many things we are juggling right now, my husband simply asked me, "What are your worries?" And I couldn't even verbalize them. The only thing I knew was that I was crying. Something deep down inside had brought me to tears.
After taking some time to reflect on what these tears mean and what these worries could be, I finally discovered that they weren't the typical worries. Or at least not the ones people would expect me to have right now.
This is what I came up with:
- I'm worried about losing the title School Counselor.
- I'm worried about losing my skills.
- I'm worried about never being able to do this work again.
- I'm sad because I feel so disconnected from what I really like.
- I'm worried because I don't know what's next.
Basically I'm throwing a temper tantrum because God has blessed me with a "new" path and I've decided that I don't like it :)
Sorry God!
Technically its the same path - God knew exactly where I'd be headed; I didn't. And instead of accepting it, I've been kicking and screaming hoping it would change sometime soon. Reality is, that is NOT going to happen...
… and that is ok, because this new path will give me a new role with the opportunity to learn new skills and connect with others!
After our morning talk, my husband simply said, "Let us rejoice in the Lord!" It stumped me for a little bit and I've recalled it to mind many times throughout the morning. I was frustrated at first and now I realize it was simply perfect and exactly what I needed to hear.
In Philippians 4:4, it says
Nothing I can't handle.
But a struggle nonetheless.
The difference about this morning, compared to others, was a lack of change from the night before. I stood by the door saying good bye and with out fail, I was blessed with a hug and a kiss. It was this blessing, however, that brought me to tears... don't ask me why. It just did! So, we sat down just for a moment and amidst the many things we are juggling right now, my husband simply asked me, "What are your worries?" And I couldn't even verbalize them. The only thing I knew was that I was crying. Something deep down inside had brought me to tears.
After taking some time to reflect on what these tears mean and what these worries could be, I finally discovered that they weren't the typical worries. Or at least not the ones people would expect me to have right now.
This is what I came up with:
- I'm worried about losing the title School Counselor.
- I'm worried about losing my skills.
- I'm worried about never being able to do this work again.
- I'm sad because I feel so disconnected from what I really like.
- I'm worried because I don't know what's next.
Basically I'm throwing a temper tantrum because God has blessed me with a "new" path and I've decided that I don't like it :)
Sorry God!
Technically its the same path - God knew exactly where I'd be headed; I didn't. And instead of accepting it, I've been kicking and screaming hoping it would change sometime soon. Reality is, that is NOT going to happen...
… and that is ok, because this new path will give me a new role with the opportunity to learn new skills and connect with others!
After our morning talk, my husband simply said, "Let us rejoice in the Lord!" It stumped me for a little bit and I've recalled it to mind many times throughout the morning. I was frustrated at first and now I realize it was simply perfect and exactly what I needed to hear.
In Philippians 4:4, it says
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice! ...The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."
In our Christian lives, we are called to delight in the Lord! To find joy in Him! It's so important that Apostle Paul restates the command, to give the people a reminder, much like my husband did for me this morning. (Thank you my love!) It is this joy that outweighs any cause of sorrow. Yes even mine. These worries and fears distracted me from the truth and in turn caused me sorrow instead of joy. Apostle Paul continues with "the Lord is near"...we will be redeemed! Which is the greatest thing - EVER! So why worry about things so small?! (Because we are human and the struggle is real!) But no matter what, we are continually called to seek him in prayer and offer thanksgiving, which brings joy … and hope too!
There is no doubt our paths will have twists and turns some of which cause us sorrow, some we don't understand and others we are not prepared for. I've experienced each one of these twists and turns (n the last 9 months) and in each , God has been right there with me. I have no reason to cry (or kick and scream). So if there is no reason to cry, I must celebrate what he has given me.
I will rejoice! Again I say, I will rejoice!
Thank God for all things!
There is no doubt our paths will have twists and turns some of which cause us sorrow, some we don't understand and others we are not prepared for. I've experienced each one of these twists and turns (n the last 9 months) and in each , God has been right there with me. I have no reason to cry (or kick and scream). So if there is no reason to cry, I must celebrate what he has given me.
I will rejoice! Again I say, I will rejoice!
Thank God for all things!